hi people, welcome once again to this little corner of L|nk's world. here i am once again, feeling rather unhappy and probably upset... with a negative feeling writing this blog. if you have been following my blog you will know that i will only start to blog in my blog when there is either something great or something bad has happened to me. first of all i want to apologise to those of you who have been ...erm.. hhmm. probably anticipating for my next posting but yet waited in vain. i am sorry guys.. is not that i am cutting down on blogging.. i mean there isn't a need for me to cut down blogging cause is not a bad habit to me. i have been very busy and tired and stuffs like that. maybe some of you will think,"what's new man!? that stupid guy only complains that he is tired.. ALWAYS.. EVERYTIME"..yea yea.. i admit.. i am always tired and sleepy.. no drive in life.. yawnz.... WHY LIDAT AH ! hahaha.. ok let's be serious and focus on what is wrong with me and concentrate on the reasons why i am blogging today. ok here i go :
Been past 2-3 months. making a so-called summary of my life. a summary all about what has happen in these 2 months and erm.. just a brief account on it and how i feel about it. I am in a new environment, not just in church but as well as in school. new people in church, new faces, new classmates. out of all these, i thought i could start afresh and be a happier person and not fall back to the 75%games and 25% sleep person who i used to be... i really hope to change for the better to someone who is 30%games, 40%study and 30%sleep. this may not seem ideal to some of you but is my target to achieve at least just that. so far so i am doing pretty well and has cut games to as low as 15%-20% and increase the percentage more on studies and sleep. i see the improvment. i have made many new friends, exposed to more new things. however..... only today that i realised that i am NOT happy at all.why is that ?
many things have happened. i am in this new environment and this whole bunch of classmates are all from the B module. No problem to trigger them off to some topics and conversation created but till now i still don't feel that i belong to that class. not sure if they treat me as one or pobably just a passerby.. i can talk to them can laugh abit but i still don't feel the sense of belonging. most stuffs now very well-informed. however, there are a couple of friends in the class who are really nice to me. hereby i want to thank them. the names are: Jimmy, Christina, Michelle. These 3 people are the ones who gave me the deepest impression and have showered much love on me. I really appreciate their presence and their duty as a classmate to inform me and to love me as their classmates. hhmm.. probably i have to learn to be more indepedent myself. NAHZ. is different on being independent and having not much classmates in class. Back in the good old days, i have a bunch of lovely classmates and i love them alot. We had fun and excitement. Everyday i will look forward to meet them and have lessons with them. We also erm erm "chao"(skip) lessons together as a class !! hahaha those were the days man ! That was awesome and cool ! but now everything is so different.. Here i am in this class where is well-known for the fellowship of the scholars!!! hahah each of them are so smart and so powerful !! and here i am so powdery weak !! hahaah what am i dude? having to struggle hard in this semester but i have been working harder as compared to the last 2 years. It is never easy to survive along in a big deserted island as such but i am going to make it !! I am the modern day JACK SPARROW !!! I can survive through all these !! haha.. ok now to church
Church is always a wonderful dwelling place:) yes!! it is indeed. Now that i am in this new church and i am coping pretty well in it but just a bit of rough edges here and there.. not with the church members but i think i should able to cope with it. Is never easy to do something without the support of someone who you look forward to, giving you support but i starting to think likewise. this is because i view that i should look forward to God's support. yea!! hahaha but the people in church shows alot of their support to me and i really want to thank them too. especially my helpful lovely parnter-->jennifer. she is a wonderful girl and christian. She scolded me a few times for my weaknesses. through her i see alot of my weakness. She is a good leader with very strong cohensive power...scary !! hahaah kidding :P hehe..
haiz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! anyway... don't feel accepted !! don't feel understood, don't feel care, don't feel loved......................... only felt it from God............. God told us that we should fellowship... but i think ...hhmm.. i no flair lah !!! FLARE AH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (personal joke).. :P kk gtg .. go do project ..alone.. Y LIDAT AH!!!
hhmm... i seems to be someone who doesnt update my blog regulary.. i am so sorry folks.. but ahah usually when i update my blog, it will be when i am either very happy or either i am very sad... hheehe otherwise.. i will not post anything up here. so .. am i happy this morning or am i sad this morning?..well, not in a good shape.. many things have happen and i am having quite a few problems myself. is not that i do not share it out but just that .. all are small misunderstandings..
In my life right now, is very hard for me to identify the people around me who has the same burden and the same kind of vision... however i have a few very close people who share the same burden as me....well, there are also people who i view as they should understand my style and my burden and understandand feel for my situation, but they didnt.... some is becos they do not know what i am doing.. others is becos they do not understand why i am doing that...and start to think likewise of my vision....
i realise that it is never easy to be a good guy.. why is that so??? well, being a good guy, u please others but also causes others to have negative feelings for u.. maybe is my fault... i do not know how to balance my time well..... i am so sorry.... haiz...when it comes to such situations, no one is able to help.. jus pray that God willl open me a door or a way to bring me out of this tough situation. haiz... i cant be everywhere, if this is what you people expect of me.. then i am sorry............................. feeling very vexed now... i cant please everyone.. i know that that wasnt going to happen.. i can never please everyone!!!!! shit man..... but i always try hard to..but still i failed miserably..... i cant understand myself why is that i cant please everyone....at the same time, some of the people out there, dont understand or feel for my situation.....i am really scared..knowing that they dun see eye to eye with what i doing, surely causes pretty much conflicits...but my greatest fear is that ....i dun wish to grow tired of them always not been understanding of my position..........help me Lord..
hey is been awhile since i last blog. the well-known self declared ---> super slacker !!! hahaha i have been slacking so much now.. haha cant believe i am getting "less pro". well, now that i have lesser gamer frenz i seldom play game as much. wayne is flying here and there. and johanan and charles are working. hhmm.. i think it is a good that i am playing less games now and i am able to spend more time to sleep. haha wad else!! com'on!! haha sleep is good ok !?!?!?! now i also starting to do tutorial and often attend lectures. this is a improvement as compared to my last 2 years in poly. DAMN i think i wasted it man !! haha though all the games and fun i had !! haha i think should be ok. using time to study and be good boy to play games till 3, 4 am in the morning haha.. i think i am a pro last time man !! dun need much sleep and dun study at all and managed to climb to where i am today .. though i failed my audit ( i think is the stupid bloody project) but i think i should go for a change NOW.. been spending time with Rev. Stephen and he taught me alot of stuffs. i have grown more and more spiritually under his and eric chong's guidance. i am very happy now :) i realised that if u abide in the ways of God, u will have no worries for God has planned the best for each and everyone of us. even at times it is rocky in life, some turns and obstacles, but if u dealt it with love and it will be over :) God will watch over us.... I LOVE U GOD..
now i am currently still working on my drums ahaha been training hard under the guidance of Rev. Stephen .. he is super good!!! ahaa he is like my idol hahah ou xia!!! and i am also picking up pool haha silly me!!! diaoz!!.. life has been pretty happy and i am living in peace and harmony with ppl around. i think i also need to watch my life of worship.. haha need some improvement to it.. haha still trying hard.. pray for me!! haha thanx..
alrite ciao ppl .. i gtg to do my tutorials now !! bb
i always think that.. or shld i say i wanna be someone who live a simple life.. someone who's thinking is simple.. someone simple-minded.. to many ppl i seem to be somoene who is pretty heck care kind.. alot of things i juz dun wish to care abt or i simply choose not to care so that i wont create too many problems for myself.. but i was wrong.. appear as someone who heck care is juz a cover up.. i came to realise that i am someone who thinks alot.. in fact i discover this some moment ago.. but i choose not to believe it.. cuz it may appear that i look like a paranoid.. but the fact is still a fact.. i think a lot.. i am a thinker.. or perhaps.. i think too much.. and this makes some ppl pretty annoyed by me.. i think too much.. all i do daily is think think and think.. i think if everyone big and small things in life.. maybe that explains y my head is 65% white.. and is only at the back of my head.. many ppl and doctors say that i think too much.. use too much of my back brain and kill too many of my cells.. that is y i have white hair.. i choose not to believe this but there r juz too many ppl saying the same thing.. is it planned?? or is it real?? i dun care and i juz dun wish to think of that.. cuz it doesnt seem to be impt to me rite now.. is juz a image.. how i present myself out in front of others.. aiya.. so what if ppl thinks that i am ugly or i am not in for the current trend?? haha i wear what i like.. and i am what and who i am.. this is a fact.. and i am glad of one thing.. i like myself!! mhahahaz.. i always think that i have the upper hand in everything i do.. but i do learn this thru the hard way.. it is not always so.. cuz there r sure to be ppl who r much better than me in some areas.. this is becos these ppl really train hard for the things that they r good at.. haha while i keep telling myself i am born to be a talent in everyhting.. what crap!! pretty surprise of myself today.. i seldom write so much and i seldom like to express myself out the way it is now hahaa.. thanx everyone.. hey btw.. if u r unhappy with some of the things i said.. do voice them out :) i wanna hear it and i wanna improve myself.. dun worry i wont be mad till the extend of thinking to go and kill u juz becos u have some comments abt the things i write.. yawnz.. i being sleeping alot these days.. think that it is very good for my health but in the same time i think i become more and more slack.. even now as i am writing this i feel so sleepy.. yawnz.. going to do my tut after this and hopfully to complete it soon so that i can rest early tomolo.. gd nite everyone and hope that u have a nice rest..
shirlene, i think u r rite.. this is my blog, i write what i wanna say abt the things i feel in my heart.. this is the place where i vent all my stuffs out.. who cares what others may think.. i feel much better now.. but i know this will not last long.. becos there r more things to come for me to worry abt.. more expectations to meet.. more downs i will face.. i am not a loser.. dun think u can step me under ur feet.. things juz dun seem rite and some ppl mistake me.. what i say and what i do.. ppl juz mistake it for something else.. no one knows what i am thinking.. no one understand me.. no one..... this is really depressing.. may receive some encouragment sometimes but in the end.. those who encourage me turn out to mistake me.. maybe there is really misunderstanding.. or maybe there is no mutual understanding at all?? things r changing.. so r ppl changing.. i am changing too.. am i chanigng for the better or the worse? i wonder.. i am going on the right path?? facing some much pressure in life but i kept reminding myself that nothing can bring me down as long as i dun give up.. but i am starting to give up.. on the verge to give up.. cuz it is too tiring for me.. i am too tired.. but i dun wish to give up.. is my passion of doing what i am doing now but.. my environment juz keep pressing me down.. constantly depressing me.. constantly making me down and down.. headache is what i face.. but i feel telling myself that i muz carry on till i see fruit from the tree.. when will that be?? hhmm.. as i am writing and i am thinking.. and i decided.. i will not give up.. although i am so tired.. this is juz the begining.. nothing can bring me down.. i am the pro.......
i am tired.. realy tired of everything.. expecting too much from one will cuz him/her to stumble.. i have enough.. but i dun wish to blow at u all.. pls understand me.. no one seems to know that i care.. no one......... i care for u inmy heart but u dun see it.. as long as everyone out there dun see that i care for u all.. u all wont believe me.. actions is all u all demand.. humans fruad.. everyone wants ppl to carry out actions to show that you care for them.. jus caring for one in the heart is not enough.. or shld i say.. caring in the heart = dun care for the person at all..
today is such a great day ppl....though there r ups and downs in one short day ....but i think i will still not hesitate myself in giving praise to the Lord.... today sermon was very very good.... my take for the sermon was on the part when rev stephen lim(my pastor) shared on the story of the orphan....
the story is about an young orphan adopted by a couple... the couple took him in and they sent him to sch. in sch, the orphan was always being snared. ppl usually laughed at him and look down on him becos he was an orphan... and so there was once where this poor boy got very angry and he shouted them at them," at least i was choosen to be someone else's child..but you all....your parents have no choice!!!" i am glad i was one of God's choosen child... and this is somthing that i am very proud of.... :)
yo ppl..alrite man!.. for those who do not know...well juz wanna break the news now hahah rather stupid...but yup.. i am over at st matthew now..really miss u guys over at wac!! and the kids too !! shit man !! joey is back..but i dun really have a chance to say hi to her....i am sorry little joey..really miss u alot.. hope that things are fine when u r in shanghai....lots of things in my head...lots of troubles in my life...but i am sure staying real cool with it...for God is in control in all things!!! not just me having problems but sure do have friends with problems too..dun worry pals!!! i am praying for you...
gotto realise that now is the block test for those who are in J2s wanna bless each and everyone of you....especially to those who i know or who are specially close to me...ppl like my dear....and you too huifen !! hahaha and also to shirlene...erm i mean this is for your bf not YOU!!(pls!!) haha kidding..and also ppl who i seldom talk to ...erm like kailun ...well..all thes best to all of you man !!!!!
things sure are so much different in st matt as compared to wac...but i am adapting very well there....think really i have a great gift with kids man... i made a new friend there and he is only 9!! haha i am ..erm 19?? going 20 ?? o man !!! hahaha 10 - 11 years older than him .. haha he is a nice boy .. haha the only who kept talking to me..he so sweet man ! haha still young and cool haha growing boi...haha bet he will be damn smart next time....maybe is becos i see him as someone who will be hanging out with me quite often...hhmm sure be influnece by me and become very smart.mhahaz..juz kidding.. haha going teach him the right principles of life man !..no more nonsence...i am growing much these few days and really relying alot on prayers...wanna be full dependent on God...still trying...eric chong (my mentor) gave me a book to read..hhmm going to complete by this mth!!! haha aarrgghh!! yeah that is wad i will be doing these few days .. do pray for me man ... hope God continue to review himself to me so real... o boy ..am i excited ...haha take care guys out there... i will be praying for you all too!!
God bless u all !!! AMEN
yawnz.... so tired.. aahah too much AND 1 today...being skipping on blogs...very lazy to log in and type in here hahaha .. by the time i come home.. bath...eat late dinner...then zzz ...wake up ...lunch cum breakfast....cartoons on AXN...some games..then bball or go out down town for pool or shopping!?!?! haha life is so routine....everyday is the same thing..so boring .. haha yawnz.. i am tired of so many things.. haha bored !!!! hahahaha pls eeveryone..GET A LIFE MAN!!!! yawnz...going to zzz soon ...will be working then either out for sushi dinner with mel mel or bball again man hahahaa.. AND 1 rulz..(haiz..i know i am irritating lol)